I have an addiction.
In a recent blog post, I mentioned that I had been soul-searching and had made a big, palm-sweating decision. I’ve not talked about it since because I still needed to internalize some aspects of it.
My revelation and subsequent decision may not be one that you would consider big, but for me…in my life…it is.
I have a food addiction.
I’ve always called it “emotional eating” because that term is socially acceptable. If I say “emotional eating,” people nod their heads in agreement, understanding, and compassion. At closer inspection, I’ve made a decision to strip it down and call it what it is…addiction…and addiction is not a pretty word.
I have spent the past week going back and forth…is it an addiction…is it not an addiction?
It’s an addiction. It’s about “toxic hunger” vs. “true hunger.” An addiction is when our bodies become accustomed to a toxic agent. In food speak, we are talking sugar, fat, refined carbs, caffeine, etc. It’s about actually feeling uncomfortable if a certain food isn’t eaten.
I’m a caregiver…a nurturer…always have been, always will be. Case in point…helping care for my brother post-brain surgery/stroke, running the household while my hubby was deployed in Afghanistan, plus dealing with newly diagnosed disorders with our son and the sudden death of my step-dad…all while homeschooling and running a successful business. As you can see, there has been a lot the past 3 1/2 years. Don’t get me wrong…I’m not complaining. I wouldn’t change a thing about being there for people, however I tend to put people before my own needs…often to my detriment, and I cope with food.
I’ve decided that this year is MINE. This year is the time for me to look within…to figure out what makes me tick. Doing so will only make me a better wife, mother, and coach. It may be painful at times, but I’m feeling laser-focused and determined.
Beachbody helped me lose over 30 lbs when I was at my highest weight ever. It has also kept me from returning to that weight. However…I still yo-yo…just at a lower weight…and THAT is still NOT healthy. I need to look into the BEHAVIOR, the ADDICTION.
Join me on my journey of self-discovery…if you dare. 😉
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