How Congruence Changes Everything Part 2
by Rochelle Griffin
Congruence Con”gru*ence, n. [L. congruentia: cf. OF. cornguence.] Suitableness of one thing to another; agreement; consistency. –Holland. Webster’s Revised Unabridged Dictionary, 1996, 1998.
In Part 1, we learned from Dr Kevin Kane that having a defined goal is step one and that finding your Why is step two. There is, however, one last step needed to take you to the promised land as Dr Kane expains- you need to create congruence.
Have you ever had a goal…something you really wanted, and you started out great, then somehow you lost it? Chances are, you lost congruence. A goal must agree with the other major aspects of your life. It must exist in harmony with the rest of your life. Whenever possible, the important aspects of your life should all support one another. If two forces conflict, one or both will fail.
Many people, women in particular, find that the time they started a family is the same time that they started putting on weight. Moms are notorious for putting everyone else first. Mom time comes only after everyone else in the family is taken care of. Unfortunately, by the time this happens, there is no time left in the day. Some moms may fear that exercising takes away from family time and they consider themselves selfish if they focus on themselves from time to time.
In this case, a mom may feel that her personal fitness in not in agreement with a happy, healthy family. Exercise seems to not be in congruence with her other major goal. She’ll never lose weight, because she feels it is counter-productive toward her greater goal. In fact, she’ll even sabotage herself to make sure she does not lose weight which she, subconsciously, feels is bad for her family.
We live in a world of abundance. She simply needs to re-frame her thoughts and restructure her actions to support goals both goals! She should remember that children learn by example. When she commits to healthy living for herself, her children learn to make healthy choices, too. Studies show that children who grow up in healthy households are much more likely to adopt a healthy lifestyle for themselves years later when they are adults. When mom makes exercise a priority, she is teaching her kids how to take better care of themselves. By giving them a long, healthy life, she is giving one of the greatest gifts she could ever give her children. Now ‘mom time’ is in congruence. She knows her exercise helps both her AND her family. Harmony reigns.
She can similarly think of many reasons that exercise helps her family life. Exercise and weight loss will increase her energy, so she can keep up with the kids and be more effective with them. It can increase self-esteem. It can improve her mood. All of which will make her a better mom. It will allow her to stay functional well into her old age so she can help her grand children and great-grand-children, too!
She has re-framed fitness, so that she now has congruence. Now one goal supports the other, and she will get better results with both!
Think about obstacles or reasons you have failed in the past. What obstacles held you back in the past? If you still have the same goal, what can you do to eliminate those obstacles or re-frame them so that they now support your goal?
Suppose your goal is to get ripped with P90X or ChaLEAN Extreme. If your friends want you to go out drinking every weekend, however, you’ll never achieve that goal. Empty calories from all that beer will go right to your abs, before they ever have a prayer of making an appearance. Your goal of getting ripped is being sabotaged by your desire to go out drinking with your friends. In order to have congruence, something needs to change. Explain to your friends the importance of your goal…that you are challenging yourself and this is something you really want. Tell them that you are excited to go out with them, but you hope they’ll be supportive when they see you dropping your beer for a seltzer water with lime.
If your friends care about you and your desires, they’ll be glad to help out. By doing this, you are not only creating harmony in two big parts of your life, you are also creating accountability…AND don’t be surprised if when you start looking great, some of your friends change their habits, too.
A Toast to Your Health,
Rochelle Griffin is Registered Nurse with over 20 years experience who has transitioned her love for fitness, health, & freedom into a 6-figure company that now helps others live the life of their dreams.
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